If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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