omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
