I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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