I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
