ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
