i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
