no, he came in my armpit
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
