I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
