Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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