They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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