Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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