so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
