Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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