there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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