Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
