dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
