Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
