chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have post one night stand depression
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
