When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
