Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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