we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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