I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My vagina is officially offended.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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