i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
