this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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