therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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