he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
