I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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