the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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