At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
