May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
