I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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