fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This toilet bowl is my home.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
