Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
