dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
