I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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