no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
