I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
