I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
