what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
