I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
