So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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