No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
