it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
