Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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