I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
