That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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