the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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