I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
