Jerry, you need to find god
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
