The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
