Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
