he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
