Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
