What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
