I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was born a porn star she said
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize