I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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