if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
