The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
