Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
