I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
