proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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