I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
