you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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