youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
