What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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