I faked an abortion last night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
