Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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