She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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