bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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